Now that might seem like a strange title for my first blog on this site, but it covers the ethos of what I want to share with you today. I am going to open up my soul, and let the light in. But first, a photo….
This is me on Easter Monday 2012. No clever lighting, no airbrushing, no less-revealing clothes. I can hear it now, the sniggers, hushed conversations, the funny looks. This is me in my bikini, and I will not shy away from allowing you to see it. You see it is about honestly, and being true to myself and what I stand for. This image is the reality of what six months of less than careful eating does to my body. Do I have an excuse, yes absolutely, but it is not worth sharing because it is just that, and I am a ‘no excuses’ person. Those reasons may quiet my troubled mind and make me feel somewhat better about myself, but they wouldn’t get me back on the path to success.
I get so frustrated when I read many health and fitness websites espousing the latest weight–loss classes, expensive e-book or ‘secret trick’ to build your ideal body. Some trainers are excellent, but much of the time the authors are not even featured in their own publicity, or the photographs are so out of date it is a joke. I will not go down that road, and what you see above is my current reality. I am two stone (28lbs) over what I view as my optimal weight. Worse still, I am an absolute believer that where I am now is a manifestation of where I am meant to be. I am living up to my own expectations of myself, and now that I have accepted that, I am free to move on.
As an experienced personal trainer, I have the power and expertise to quite quickly change the physical manifestation of my body. What will take more time to address is the the internal thought processes and beliefs which allowed me to get to this point to begin with. It will take conscientious work and the help of others if I am not to find myself back here in the future. Physically I certainly didn’t get this way by following all of my own advice (which I believe is 100% sound), but have allowed myself to accept mediocrity and lack of consistency in my diet and training. That is how I got to weigh 163lbs, more than I have ever weighed in my life. Yes I am tall, and yes I am carrying a good amount of muscle underneath that fat, but blah, blah, blah – no excuses!
For various reasons I have been very unhappy recently, and have failed to take care of ‘me’. That neglect is just showing itself externally on my body. I haven’t eaten lots of fast food and junk or spent hours flopped on the couch each day. I have simply failed to hold myself accountable as often as I should, have allowed treats to become normal, and have skipped too many workouts. You can’t go easy on yourself all of the time and expect it to have no effect.
The only important question now is what am I going to do about it? Firstly I am going to be bold, and tell you that in six months time, on my 40th birthday, I will be in the best shape I have ever been in! That’s just half a year to physically and mentally transform my body. Will there be obstacles and hardship to overcome – certainly. Can I do it – you bet. Here, I have very publically made the first step. Only by taking this very harsh stocktake of my current condition can I make the necessary adjustments to get to my goal.
Honesty and commitment are key, and putting that image right has everything to do with what and how I feel inside. I need to reconnect to my passion, reach out to others, live a life of purpose and integrity, and make sure that I leave a positive legacy when I finally pop my clogs. What more could anybody want for themselves? In the process I hope to keep learning and share what I know. 18 years as a personal trainer and tens of thousands of pounds spent on courses and conferences must count for something. We get fulfilment in life by giving and not by getting.
My transformation has already started. My goal has only a limited amount to do with particular weight or clothing size, for that is just a number which we use to judge ourselves and others. I do of course hope that by taking care of the inner me, I will be able to better reflect what I believe in when it comes to having a healthy body. Contentment comes from within, and has nothing to do with our current situation, a particular place, an income, or a mythical point in the future. In the course of the next six months, I hope you will see that by taking care of my innermost thoughts, I can positively change what I see in the mirror.
I am going to take you on my journey if you will allow it. I firmly believe that I have knowledge to share, and that you can learn from my successes and failures. I will bet that there will be plenty of both. I promise to be honest, and hope that by doing so we will all benefit. So yes, this blog will be predominantly about health and fitness, but I am going to show you some deeper concepts to guide you on your own journey through life.
Hugs to you all,
Beth
